Having attended two too many funerals lately, I have realized how much I have attended alone; solo. Two other deaths I have suffered through; with no closure. No pomp and circumstance. No support. No recogniztion. A pandemic for one and pandemonium for another. Silence and solitary confinement for both. Not the best circumstances for loss. Lies, lonliness, betrayal and blame for one. Abandonment and absence for another. Not the best environment to process grief. These past tw

This past year has found me more and more finding mornings I am not sure I want to face. The mundane and obvious tasks of making dinners and doing chores with little to no help whilst feeling insane? Not exactly enticing. Yeah, so l instead supplement my depression and frustration with Netflix and Tik Tok. Or, the usual calls that someone has forgotten their own life's needs that I need to deliver, (bathing suits, track shoes, etc) while I am still waiting for someone to deli

I need to find a camera crew stat. Not for fame. But to immortalize the crazy funny insanity that is my life. This time for airplane antics, oh wait that would be a majority of my antics, just kidding, I think my life is a so called antic. I have bought, borrowed and begged for many a suitcase on a return flight home, mostly because memorabilia was calling my name, and I love me some vacation merch. This time it was on the way into a trip we were told we were overweight. Inte

Apparently April is the month that brings showers. Mine happen to be within my eyes. May flowers best be on their way. April stole three of the most important women in my life. Two of which were taken within two weeks of each other. My mother was tough, but fair. All that she threw down was deserved, even if perhaps, not the way she delivered it. The same goes for my Aunt and Grandmother. That said, my Grandmother delivered her teachings in Mariboo heels, a silk robe, and se

I have found out the very hard way that people don't like the icks. They like happy, pleasant and joyous. The minute things turn? Yeah not so much. The gavels come out and the judgement weighs in heavy. The people who don't need to be in the trenches with you? Scatter like cockraches when the lights come on. One of my children, who shall remain nameless decided to join me to celebrate the life of my aunt, after whom I am named. They declared we never did anything for Nanie, m

We never get a second chance. But we do get a first chance. With that said, we never get a first chance to make a second impression. Let that sink in. I'll let you walk down the block to pick your brain off the sidewalk after that. Yes, what I just shared was that groundbreaking. I am a nerd. Unfunny. Awkward. Introverted, asshole. I don't like people. Hell, I barely like myself, let's be honest. But I am consistent in the fact that I show up. Day after day. Terrible day afte

When people die we often think of the things we never said to them. More often times than not, I recant the things I did say and did. And I cringe. The things I wish I could take back? Infinite. The stuff I wish I had conveyed differently? Unimaginable. The arguments over stupid shit? Forever and a day. So to the people I have loved and lost, I wish there were many things I could tell you; specifically about taking back the hurtful words I spewed. The anger about the circums

After attending the University of Tik Tok, I am fully convinced the worlds problems can be solved with pool noodles and zip ties. Need a bunker for the apocalypse? Pool noodles and zip ties will get the job done. Need an Easter wreath at the last minute? Pool noodles and zip ties for the win. Stranded on an island? Thank God you visited the Dollar Tree before your plane crashed. Pool noodles and zip ties will get you home. Screw Wilson! Last minute guests coming over? Need a

Yeah no. They don't. It's that simple. If it doesn't affect their life? No. They don't. They can pretend. They can be nice. But unless something directly affects someone? They don't. They don't give a shit. It's not their fault, it's human nature. We care about and protect those we truly love. And if you don't see the care or the love of those around you? Well there is your answer. It's not pleasant, or fun, but neither is reality. Asking people for help, or telling them you

I enjoying cooking and trying new recipes. With 3 kids and no adult enjoying my creations besides me? Shoot me. Like I said my cookbook will be called, 2 out of 3. You would think these people graduated from the CIA and worked for the NYT food review. I say this because... Because only 2 out of 3 kids will eat anything I attempt. To say I have lost the love to feed the masses? Understatement. I despise it. What's for dinner? That is the first thing I get asked. Not how was yo

Remember to let the rain hit your window. Remember to listen to it. Remember to let your scars tell your story and remember to be proud to regale the tales of how you got them. Let your hurt serve to be someone's help. Allow your mess to be someone's magic. Let your smile steer someone's happiness. Lead with love. Be up for an adventure. Say yes. Take chances. Know I will be there, but I may just fall with you instead of catching you. Understand that this is okay. We are both

That was our song. The silence of your absence screams. The cruelty of your love being stolen from me? Contemptible. Missing your humor and touch? Irreplaceable. That laugh. I see now, that only those that truly care about you, can really hear you when you are quiet; and I will absolutely miss your silence, I hope you are in heaven reflecting on my loud. The amount of self reflection I have done, and am currently doing, immense. By missing you I am seeing the people I want to

If you have to ask for something, it loses its value. If you have to beg for something? Even worse. If that is the case, then you don't need it, or at least not from the person you are begging from for it. If you have to argue with someone to get something you feel you need? Not worth it. Go for that walk, a long one. Not worth it with them, I should clarify. The right people, will deliver the right things, at the right times. On their own accord, because they care about you.

The other day I needed some electrical work done. As seeing how much I don't like to get electrocuted, I caved and hired a professional. For the past few months half of my kitchen outlets haven't worked. However I was just slightly preoccupied so I didn't do anything about it. I also needed other items attended to. Enter young strapping electrician. Every question he asked me began with, ma'am. God does that make me feel old AF. Let me rewind the story to begin with the timin

It's amazing how people can cut you off at your lowest point. And then reappear like nothing happened. Yeah no. Life doesn't work that way. You want to kick me while I am down and then years later reappear? I know I had that whole water your garden speech, well, hear this; conversely know when to grab the weed killer. So... Um, no. You have had nearly 6 years to "help." To be my friend. While I was in the hospital multiple times for various situations. Sick, surgeries etc. No

I slept on the couch with him every night when it got too bad for him to come up stairs. That said, there were a few nights I just needed a proper bed. The few times I did this, I would awake to him next to me. He willed himself up the stairs, to lay next to me. He could barely walk, but he found his way to me. When I awoke, not only was I pleasantly surprised, I was concerned as to how he got there. Yet in the morning... I would carefully guide him down the stairs never allo

I am really beginning to believe chivalry is dead. Whatever happened to courting? When did men decide they didn't need to chase a woman? Am I that old school? Flowers are that outdated? So is taking a woman to dinner? I don't want to be sexualized or chastised. I will not be compromised. I want to be pursued. Honestly and earnestly. And treated like a lady, even if my language projects differently. Sorry about my sailor mouth. Actions, always speak louder than words. A lot of

Be someone's candle. Be someone's hope; excitement. When they blow you out, know you have just started your journey. With them. You are their biggest wish. So continue on being someone's biggest dreams and best non regret. Be someone's most awesome secret that will come true. Not to worry, it will be just between us, and the lighter that set it all ablaze, which is YOU. Happy birthday to us, and by us, I mean you, and you know who you are. Xoxo, C.

Allow yourself to be someone's struggle, while also being allowing yourself to be theirs. Be someone's hero while faltering. Be someone's safe place while also allowing yourself to seek shelter in their harbor. Life is rough. So is love. Allow yourself to be given the love you deserve. In every struggle? Try to find a victory. And in that victory, remember a shared breath, even if the person doesn't deserve it. For that is the kind of love we all should deserve. People fall

Please read that title with Billy Joel singing it. Except I know he said it was a Saturday at 9. Anyways, I was sitting in my pajamas and robe, no kids, Netflix and chilling. I had just started to watch a true crime documentary. You know, white girl shit. When my home alarm goes off. All three dogs lose their shit, at the same time I was losing mine. I race over to the panel. There's apparently a fire and I am being poisoned by CO2. Really?!? I get a day to myself and this is