When people die we often think of the things we never said to them. More often times than not, I recant the things I did say and do. And I cringe. The things I wish I could take back? Infinite. The stuff I wish I had conveyed differently? Unimaginable. The arguments over stupid shit? Forever and a day. So to the people I have loved and lost, I wish there were many things I could tell you, specifically about taking back the hurtful words I spewed. The anger about the circumsta

After attending the University of Tik Tok, I am fully convinced the worlds problems can be solved with pool noodles and zip ties. Need a bunker for the apocalypse? Pool noodles and zip ties will get the job done. Need an Easter wreath at the last minute? Pool noodles and zip ties for the win. Stranded on an island? Thank God you visited the Dollar Tree before your plane crashed. Pool noodles and zip ties will get you home. Screw Wilson! Last minute guests coming over? Need a

Yeah no. They don't. It's that simple. If it doesn't affect their life? No. They don't. They can pretend. They can be nice. But unless something directly affects someone? They don't. They don't give a shit. It's not their fault, it's human nature. We care about and protect those we truly love. And if you don't see the care or the love of those around you? Well there is your answer. It's not pleasant, or fun, but neither is reality. Asking people for help, or telling them you

I enjoying cooking and trying new recipes. With 3 kids and no adult enjoying my creations besides me? Shoot me. Like I said my cookbook will be called, 2 out of 3. You would think these people graduated from the CIA and worked for the NYT food review. I say this because... Because only 2 out of 3 kids will eat anything I attempt. To say I have lost the love to feed the masses? Understatement. I despise it. What's for dinner? That is the first thing I get asked. Not how was yo

Remember to let the rain hit your window. Remember to listen to it. Remember to let your scars tell your story and remember to be proud to regale the tales of how you got them. Let your hurt serve to be someone's help. Allow your mess to be someone's magic. Let your smile steer someone's happiness. Lead with love. Be up for an adventure. Say yes. Take chances. Know I will be there, but I may just fall with you instead of catching you. Understand that this is okay. We are both

That was our song. The silence of your absence screams. The cruelty of your love being stolen from me? Contemptible. Missing your humor and touch? Irreplaceable. That laugh. I see now, that only those that truly care about you, can really hear you when you are quiet; and I will absolutely miss your silence, I hope you are in heaven reflecting on my loud. The amount of self reflection I have done, and am currently doing, immense. By missing you I am seeing the people I want to

If you have to ask for something, it loses its value. If you have to beg for something? Even worse. If that is the case, then you don't need it, or at least not from the person you are begging from for it. If you have to argue with someone to get something you feel you need? Not worth it. Go for that walk, a long one. Not worth it with them, I should clarify. The right people, will deliver the right things, at the right times. On their own accord, because they care about you.

The other day I needed some electrical work done. As seeing how much I don't like to get electrocuted, I caved and hired a professional. For the past few months half of my kitchen outlets haven't worked. However I was just slightly preoccupied so I didn't do anything about it. I also needed other items attended to. Enter young strapping electrician. Every question he asked me began with, ma'am. God does that make me feel old AF. Let me rewind the story to begin with the timin

It's amazing how people can cut you off at your lowest point. And then reappear like nothing happened. Yeah no. Life doesn't work that way. You want to kick me while I am down and then years later reappear? I know I had that whole water your garden speech, well, hear this; conversely know when to grab the weed killer. So... Um, no. You have had nearly 6 years to "help." To be my friend. While I was in the hospital multiple times for various situations. Sick, surgeries etc. No

I slept on the couch with him every night when it got too bad for him to come up stairs. That said, there were a few nights I just needed a proper bed. The few times I did this, I would awake to him next to me. He willed himself up the stairs, to lay next to me. He could barely walk, but he found his way to me. When I awoke, not only was I pleasantly surprised, I was concerned as to how he got there. Yet in the morning... I would carefully guide him down the stairs never allo

I am really beginning to believe chivalry is dead. Whatever happened to courting? When did men decide they didn't need to chase a woman? Am I that old school? Flowers are that outdated? So is taking a woman to dinner? I don't want to be sexualized or chastised. I will not be compromised. I want to be pursued. Honestly and earnestly. And treated like a lady, even if my language projects differently. Sorry about my sailor mouth. Actions, always speak louder than words. A lot of

Be someone's candle. Be someone's hope; excitement. When they blow you out, know you have just started your journey. With them. You are their biggest wish. So continue on being someone's biggest dreams and best non regret. Be someone's most awesome secret that will come true. Not to worry, it will be just between us, and the lighter that set it all ablaze, which is YOU. Happy birthday to us, and by us, I mean you, and you know who you are. Xoxo, C.

Allow yourself to be someone's struggle, while also being allowing yourself to be theirs. Be someone's hero while faltering. Be someone's safe place while also allowing yourself to seek shelter in their harbor. Life is rough. So is love. Allow yourself to be given the love you deserve. In every struggle? Try to find a victory. And in that victory, remember a shared breath, even if the person doesn't deserve it. For that is the kind of love we all should deserve. People fall

Please read that title with Billy Joel singing it. Except I know he said it was a Saturday at 9. Anyways, I was sitting in my pajamas and robe, no kids, Netflix and chilling. I had just started to watch a true crime documentary. You know, white girl shit. When my home alarm goes off. All three dogs lose their shit, at the same time I was losing mine. I race over to the panel. There's apparently a fire and I am being poisoned by CO2. Really?!? I get a day to myself and this is

Sometimes people damage you. Sometimes it's awful. But yet other times? It's wonderful. In the best way possible. You destroyed me because for once I was shown true love and how I should be treated. You destroyed my opinion on how a relationship should be. I ended up broken and deconstructed because I thought I was whole; until I found you. You made me a priority and feel pretty. You put this puzzle back together again. I wasn't a choice, I was a challenge, but one you enoyed

It is amazing how crazy asking for a helping hand, or for a friend, when in a time of need, can land on beyond deaf ears. Or crazier yet people know you are drowning and just watch. It is even more bat shit crazy when they do see it, lend and give advice on a situation they have never yet encountered and walk away, like they did YOU a favor. So when you dont take their stupid or sage advice because they have no cl ue what you are going through; to the point you ignore it, and

My kids aren't the only great runners in the family. So am I. I am great at running into trouble. I am amazing at running away from problems. I am highly skilled at running away from responsibilities while planted firmed on my couch. I am next level at flat out ignoring problems that need to be resolved and are staring straight at me. That said, I am also becoming more soft with myself in the understanding that achieving one thing a day is still that, an achievement and not a

When he got worse and moved a state over, we would obviously talk a lot more on the phone. We talked all the time to begin with, but as time went on, our chats became different. Obviously the tumor was growing. Our talks became more like a lifeline, for both of us. We were our safe spaces; for each other, in so many different ways. Even if it was just our voices, we needed each other. Plain and simple. He gave me a purpose, and I tried to be his prayer. One which tried to ans

Who finds out that their partner is going to be diagnosed to die on NYE? Who is at the hospital when the doctor says terminal brain cancer on New Years Fucking Eve? Jesus. You couldn't be kicked harder. Stage 4 glioblastoma?!? Oh wait it was us. Or rather you. I couldn't have yelled fuck louder. How do we learn how to let go while holding on? How do you enter a new year when you have been robbed of hope from the previous one? Life is unpredictable. But we must need to be re

It's amazing what a year can do and undo. My kids no longer believe in Santa, I am completely guilty of said offense. They are teenagers and quite frankly I am exhausted of keeping up with this "magic" The late nights of moving that stupid ass Elf and hiding gifts I forget. I can't even remember where my bathroom is. Therefore I guess I killed it. Then yet also what haven't I killed these days?! My kids hope? Spirit? Confidence? The list goes on. What address does that lette