Not Sure.

Some days I am just not sure.

Not sure how I woke up.

Not sure how I am raising three kids mostly by myself.

Not sure how I have done all of this alone.

Sure, it's not impossible, or even important I suppose.

But I need to acknowledgethat it is and has been tough.

People live through way worse, and that does not go unnoticed by me.

This is no woe is me.

That said...

I had a partner, and he left.

Found another and he too, left.

Both for different reasons.

Now I am flying truly solo.

It's not just exhausting, it is exasperating.

But not undoable.

Kids who question me at every avenue.

Kids who don't understand I am doing my best.

I have seen more than one family turn their back on me in my lifetime.

But I also saw the family I was always meant to see, and be with, come to the surface.

That said, they never went below sea level.

I was just too busy drowning to see that.

What I did see were a lot of people who ran at the first signs of trouble.

What I did see were a bunch of people who couldn't tell the truth to save their lives.

God forbid their shady reputations got tarnished.

What I did see were people who held allegiance to all sorts of wrong and evil.

What I did see was that I was raised by parents who whether they meant it or not, raised a warrior.

A kid who was taught that she would never need anything besides herself.

Friends?

Extras.

Family?

Maybe, maybe not.

But her, me?

My parents taught and raised me to know that me?

That I would be all I needed.

Maybe that may mean I was alone, and lonely on this journey; but they showed and taught me that I was, and always will be, enough.

I have run the hardest marathon of my life, by myself.

Lost my parents, while also losing any semblance of a life I thought I knew.

Alone.

I just hope I can see the finish line.

I've come this far.

I can tempt fate a bit further, my parents showed me how, lord knows they did.

So wait and see.

Please have a glass of water on the sidelines if you are watching.

Very much appreciated.

We have got this.

I will finish this race.

Xoxo,

C.