Not Sure.

Some days I am just not sure.

Not sure how I woke up.

Not sure how I am raising three kids mostly by myself.

Not sure how I have done all of this alone.

Sure, it's not impossible, or even important.

But it is tough.

I had a partner, and he left.

Found another and he too, left.

Now I am flying truly solo.

It's not just exhausting, it is exasperating.

But not undoable.

I have seen more than one family turn their back on me.

But I also saw the family I was always meant to see, and be with, come to the surface.

That said, they never went below sea level.

I was just too busy drowning to see that.

What I did see were a lot of people who ran at the first signs of trouble.

What I did see were a bunch of people who couldn tell the truth to save their lives.

What I did see were people who held allegiance to all sorts of wrong and evil.

What I did see was that I was raised by parents who whether they meant it or not, raised a warrior.

A kid who was taught that she would never need anything besides herself.

Friends?

Extras.

Family?

Maybe, maybe not.

But her?

My parents taught me that I would be all I needed.

Maybe that may mean I was alone, and lonely.

But they showed me that I was enough.

I ran the hardest marathon of my life, by myself.

Lost my parents, lost any semblance of a life I thought I knew.

Alone.

I just hope I can see the finish line.

I've come this far.

I can tempt fate a bit further, my parents showed me how.

So wait and see.

Please have a glass of water on the sidelines if you are watching.

Very much appreciated.

Xoxo,

C.