My Tree.

I absolutely adore Shel Silverstein.

In fact, my latest nonsense project has been REreading Where The Sidewalk Ends, and giving my take on every poem by hand, writing my thoughts on every page.

Yes, I am completely using my time appropriately, so stop asking.

Maybe it is because there has been so much loss as of late.

Maybe it's because I am a sucker for a memory?

Maybe its just because.

Maybe I feel my own mortality.

I WANT to make my own mark.

Let my kids know I do care?

BESIDES TAKING THEM ON VACATIONS?!?

They currently believe they are caged animals.

Welcome to the club.

I'm right next to you.

Two cages to the right if you need directions to HR.

Except I'm feeding you, paying for you, and dealing with ridiculously obnoxious meltdowns.

Food you deem unacceptable?

Can't wait to visit you or hop along on a vacay when you are paying.

Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout.

Not to worry, I won't be taking the garbage out.

Complaining?

Happy to join that club!

Let's get this party started.

Expiration dates?

Trust me when I say those are a suggestion.

Can't wait to see how long you can stretch that orange juice when it's on your dime.

Or how many dishes I can half use and NOT put in the dishwasher.

Or all those paper towels being used for one tiny spill.

Can't wait for Thanksgiving at your place.

Oh!

And I can't wait to tell you I don't eat anything, and have a strict dietary menu, because I am now a freegan.

Don't mind me, I will be in the backyard, aka dumpster diving at CVS.

Mainly looking for ELF dupes, but whatever; because quite frankly, YOUR turkey sucks, and I no longer eat mashed potatoes because of GMOs.

Guess what kiddos?

I AM BRINGING A BIB, you think your table manners aren't embarrassing?

There's a new sheriff in town.

Anyways my new accessory isn't because I am eating your meal, but because I will need it to wipe all the tears I am going to have from the best belly laughs of my life.

And also to throw at your feet instead of helping with all those 1000 dishes.

That said, I will always show up, because even though you are convinced I am trying to poison you?

Or vice versa?

No.

I am not, and I would hope the same.

That said, I am not a good enough cook to figure that out.

Remember?

You can't eat my cooking because I didn't graduate from the CIA.

I'm too busy at day 93 seeing where I can get food poisoning with my mullet and jorts.

Ps. It's Wednesday, recycling goes out.

Chinese buffet, here I come.

Xoxo,

C.