Rudolph The Asshole.

Last year I bought a 20 something foot reindeer inflatable.

I don't know what I was thinking; but then again, I never quite do.

It was an epic hit.

Or at least in my book it was.

Que Charlie Sheen, "WINNING."

But then again, if you know the writer, aka me, I have had a lot of "great" ideas over the years...

So let's back up:

Year one, Rudolph was well behaved, and happy to have a new home.

Stayed in place.

He looked important.

Regal.

Moreover, obedient.

Okay, anyways, fast forward to this year; my sweet Rudolph has been acting more like a Macy's Day parade float than the sweet lawn inflatable I originally purchased.

I personally think Rudolph has become a teenager.

Inflatables can be assholes like that.

Lord knows I have 2 too many miserable teenagers in my house already, perhaps Rudolph wanted to join the club?

Skibbidy.

I have found myself on more than one occasion wrestling this "thing" in my pajamas than I would like to admit.

I live on a busy street.

I know there have been many a commuter who have seen this ridiculousness.

I can only hope they laughed.

I know I would have.

And as comical as it may look, I have found myself wanting to puncture this thing and kill the Christmas spirit it "possesses" inside of it myself.

Yet, because I am an awesome person, I don't, and haven't.

Just kidding, I haven't done that yet because this so called "fun" inflatable has effectively, DEFLATED my own spirit.

But I am not dead enough to let Rudolph die on my front lawn, or face the house when he should be facing his public! (Sidenote: he likes to either lay down or face the house).

Lazy, like a teenager!

The only thing I can be sure of, is that the neighborhood must be getting a good laugh at my spiritual demise...in my festive Christmas jammies no less!

Go big or go home.

See what I did there?

Yeah.

So save yourself and don't get an inflatable bigger than your house, just swing by my house and witness my mistakes!

But, if you do, send me pics!

Birds of a feather...

Are nuts...and if you do, you my folks, are my people...

Takes one to know one!

I also know now what it must feel like to be a sumo wrestler, while losing your matches publicly; in front of strangers who are merely just driving by trying to achieve real goals aka get to their JOBS and not get a 20 foot reindeer to stand straight up.

So have a holly jolly Christmas and Happy Holidays!

And keep that Eggnog handy!

You'll need it!

Or maybe that is just me.

Xoxo,

C.