Rudolph The Asshole.

Last year I bought a 20 something foot reindeer inflatable.

I don't know what I was thinking; but then again, I never quite do.

It was an epic hit.

Or at least in my book it was.

Que Charlie Sheen, "WINNING."

But then again, if you know the writer, aka me, I have had a lot of "great" ideas over the years...

So let's back up:

Year one, Rudolph was well behaved, and happy to have new home.

Stayed in place.

He looked important.

Regal.

Moreover, obedient.

Okay, anyways, fast forward to this year; my sweet Rudolph has been acting more like a Macy's Day parade float than the sweet lawn inflatable I originally purchased.

I personally think Rudolph has become a teenager.

Inflatables can be assholes like that.

Lord knows I have 2 too many miserable teenagers in my house already, perhaps Rudolph wanted to join the club?

Skibbidy.

I have found myself on more than one occasion wrestling this "thing" in my pajamas than I would like to admit.

I live on a busy street.

I know there have been many a commuter who have seen this ridiculousness.

I can only hope they laughed.

I know I would have.

And as comical as it may look, I have found myself wanting to puncture this thing and kill the Christmas spirit it "possesses" inside of it myself.

Yet, because I am an awesome person, I don't, and haven't.

Just kidding, I haven't done that yet because this so called "fun" inflatable has effectively, DEFLATED my own spirit.

But I am not dead enough to let Rudolph die on my front lawn, or face the house when he should be facing his public! (Sidenote: he likes to either lay down or face the house).

The only thing I can be sure of is that the neighborhood must be getting a good laugh at my spiritual demise...in my festive Christmas jammies no less!

Go big or go home.

See what I did there?

Yeah.

So save yourself and don't get an inflatable bigger than your house.

But if you do, send me pics!

Birds of a feather...

Are nuts...and you my folks, are my people...

Takes one to know one!

I also know now what it must feel like to be a sumo wrestler, while losing your matches publicly; in front of strangers who are merely just driving by trying to achieve real goals aka their JOBS and not get a 20 foot reindeer to stand straight up.

So have a holly jolly Christmas and Happy Holidays!

And keep that Eggnog handy!

You'll need it!

Or maybe that is just me.

Xoxo,

C.