A massive part of parenting is pretending we know what we are doing. Especially with the first child.
We are all clueless.
Considering the chances of me getting pregnant naturally, without the help of medicine, was so slim, I relished this new found stage of life.
I may as well have set up a cot at McDonald's and Carvel. My Mother warned me that those quarter pounders were going to be left behind once my son was born, but I lived with abandon. Mother knows best, she was right, out of the 80 pounds I gained, only about 10 actually left with him.
I find I always need to learn things the hard way.
I learned to love salads with my daughters pregnancies.
I had never changed a diaper in my life before my son. I had never taken care of anything except my American Girl doll before I had my son.
Just like going to College is supposed to prepare you for real life. Those nine gestational months don't do shit to prepare you for how much your world is going to change.
Even in the hospital I sent my son to the nursery at the end of the day so I would be able to sleep through the night.
That first night home I had no idea this new creature needed to be up EVERY two hours for changes and feedings. I quickly learned if his member was facing a certain way you were going to a get a water fountain of pee headed towards your face. I also found out poop can come out of the back of the diaper and spread EVERYWHERE.
The swaddling, clipping nails, baths. Making sure we had the right baby monitor, even though we lived in a tiny apartment and could hear everything through the walls.
I read What to Expect When You're Expecting.
Still didn't expect what was about to happen.
I had bought a million adorable outfits, turns out the kid just got changed from one pair of pajamas to another. Shoes? STOP.
The burping. Spit up. The nights were you begin to understand why some animals eat their young.
The crying. The feedings. The mess.
The looking at each other not knowing what he wants but knowing he wants something. Trying anything to make him happy, and smile.
Maybe he doesn't even know what he wants.
The days upon days where you don't leave the house because you are too exhausted.
Then all of a sudden I blink and see a young man. A sweet caring young man who will be attending middle school next year.
A young boy with whom I can talk politics and world events. Watch a documentary, and have a wonderful discussion dissecting it.
A son who in the midst of the events of this year has held me. Swaddled me with his hugs and kisses. Wiped my face clean. This little man who now looks me in the eye when he walks towards me.
The saying the days are long, but the years are short, is so very true.
As Ferris Bueller said, "If you don't stop to slow down and look around, you might miss it."
Look around.
You don't want to miss a thing.
Xoxo,
C.
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