Different People.

I will never forget when my father died how my Mother reacted.

I didn't lose my father.

My Mother, you see, she lost her husband.

Somehow in this one man, we had lost two different people. And her person happened to be more important than mine.

I resented that. I hated it.

I never understood that, until now.

Now I understand.

I understand that one person can be two different things.

One person can be different things to different people.

Play different roles.

It sounds nuts.

And it is.

Until it's isn't.

Until you understand that one person can be so many things to different people, and sometimes that means they can play different positions, and that some of those tasks are more important than others.

It has taken the dissolution of a marriage to understand the importance of a husband, or lack there of.

It took death to realize how much weight certain people carry in our lives.

It has taken absence to see what they meant.

It has taken lacking. To realize presence.

What they mean.

What they don't mean.

What they don't bring.

What they import.

We know we will lose our parents.

This is instilled in us.

We may not realize it. But it is.

We will lose our parents.

But our spouse?

Our partner?

No.

Just like our children, we are not programmed to lose them.

We are to have them forever.

A silent promise.

A promise that isn't guaranteed.

Yet, a thought that is ingrained.

But why?

Either way, I get it now.

I understand how one person can play two totally different roles.

And as much as I miss my Dad, I now understand how much my Mom missed her partner.

Her other half.

Her love.

Her collaborator.

Her teammate.

Comrade.

Plus one.

And now I understand the loss of a mentor. A caregiver. A protector.

I miss you both.

I get it.

Unfortunately, I get it.

Xoxo,

C..