Why is it so hard for some people to tell the truth?
And when caught, fight tooth and nail to defend it?
Make you feel like you are the crazy one.
They become the ultimate spin doctor.
Not able to own up.
Why is it so hard for some people, to apologize?
To acknowledge.
For them to comprehend, how much their "truth" can wound someone?
Why they would even hurt someone they claim to care about?
Why do we have to harm in the first place?
And, after much thought, I have come to a conclusion, self defense.
Self preservation.
We tell lies, mostly to absolve ourselves.
The others in the course of those lies, collateral damage.
We are not just lying to someone else, essentially we are lying about who we are.
What we are.
What we have done.
What we secretly want.
What we are embarrassed of.
We lie to protect our truth.
One, which we inwardly know, we are not proud of.
Perhaps, even mortified by.
Yet, none the less, the paths we live by.
The avenues we have chosen.
And because we can't confront our wrongs and inadequacies, we lie to those around us.
We cover our tracks.
And if caught?
Explain it away.
Rationalize it, within an inch of its life.
Compartmentalize it into something we believe is neat and understandable.
Knowing deep down, all the while, it isn't.
But we push it away, so we won't feel the shame.
We concoct that we are somehow the victim.
We initiate a narrative that warrants our choice to lie.
Justifying our poor judgement.
Generating our own land of make believe,
A design intricately put together on so many levels.
All the while, our lies, growing legs.
Taking us on their back, and carrying us away..
To this new irrational reality.
The lies whispering to us, not to worry, they will keep us safe.
But herein lies the REAL truth.
In the end, it will always be you and your lies.
Because in all honesty, everything comes out in the wash.
And the only place those oh so necessary lies will deposit you, is into isolation.
Desperation.
Contemplation.
Degradation.
So I hope that whatever version you want to tell someone it will be enough to keep you warm on those cold winter nights, because eventually that will be all you have.
Choose wisely.
Xoxo,
C.
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