Today.

I didnt plan on sharing this today, but I wanted to.

Today the world crashed into me. Today felt like the world pushed me down the stairs. Today felt like a day where I needed to apologize for everything and anything.

Today I cried hysterically for my Mom in front of my kids. Today I cried hysterically that I can't make things work. Today the Universe reminded me I am human and hurt and broken.

Today my three tiny humans held me and told me to never apologize and that I was a great Mom. Today I let all these past few months wail out of me as I internally collapsed.

Today I wanted my Mom and Dad to hug me and tell me it would be ok. Today that didn't happen and I cried. I cried that I am not enough. I cried hard.

Then I dried my tears and straightened my hair and went forward when every inch of me didn't want to, but I went forward.

You see life is wierd, just when you think you are as broken as you can be, at the lowest you can go, you go forward. I have to. I have 3 people who depend on me, and more than ever I am seeing how much I need them. They are the most amazing people I know. These small kids who can hear my tears from the other side of the house and rush to comfort me.

So while I cried for you today Mom, while I cried for all that I have lost, I realized what I have gained. I also realized while I cried for you it was you in their hugs, it was you in their comfort. It was the cosmos way of telling me, your way of telling me, this too shall pass.

So while my face remains red and stained with tears they are a reminder that some days aren't easy but never give up hope that the future days will be better. Dammit they have to be.

Man some days suck.