The Last Goodbye.

I wasn't able to officially say goodbye to my mother in person because it was the height of Covid.

Or I guess I could say I could have, but I was paranoid and trying to protect three kids from a monster disease no one understood.

Fuck 2020.

That haunted me something awful.

I recently went to see my partner, my love.

Something in my gut said go, NOW.

So I did.

Got in my car and just drove.

After I left him?

I got a call and found out he died an hour later.

And while I wasn't able to see my mother before she left, as the good Catholic girl I am, I got her a Priest, her last rites, and I told her it was OK to be with my dad.

She too, died an hour later.

It was like they both waited for me to give the okay before they left.

Trust me when I say me telling them I loved them, wasn't me telling them they could leave me...

But...

To go on their way to greener pastures I suppose and escape their pain?

I had to, even if it would cause me mine.

Now that I think about it, I'm a goddamn crossing guard.

Making sure everyone gets to the other side.

I'm sorry, but both parties in this story would find this analogy funny.

Love you both!

As a tremendous amount of tears come to my eyes.

Anywho....

Heartbreak?

I can't even begin.

He was wonderful and magical.

Quite frankly, he reminded me of my father.

Quiet. Sweet. Personable.

Thoughtful and loyal.

The world got a bit darker, but the heavens?

Much brighter.

I now have another guardian angel.

Not one I wanted, but one I suppose, I needed.

Lord knows I could all use the help I can get.

That being said I drove nearly 4 hours both ways to see him without my license or any money or my cellphone.

But I am well known to do all of the above.

I blame it on too much blonde hair dye.

I didnt realize any of this until I got there because they asked for ID.

Once I did get to see him, I said I was there.

He opened his eyes with all his might to make sure that masculine blondes voice was mine.

I laid down next to him in the hospital bed and we held each others hands as I regaled my story of being the pure chaos that I am, but that I had done it to be with him.

He opened his eyes with all his might, probably to make sure it was still me, and he then proceeded to squeeze my hands and make as much noise as he could to let me know he had heard me.

He knew, and loved that I am the hot mess I am, and literally embraced it as opposed to despise it.

A remarkable quality.

I adore that, and he.

He wasn't able to speak, but he did his best to let me know in every way he possible that he heard it all.

Squeezes, grunts and the occasional eye opening was how he let me know, that he knew.

It was me, it was us.

Even if for the last time.

God you were a trooper, and man were we a team.

That man never got mad for my various projects or chaos, he just laughed and smiled, and asked how he could help.

Those dimples?

Those blue perfect eyes?

They will be missed, as will you.

Thank you thank you thank you.

We managed to fit forever into nearly five years.

Just please look out for the kids and I.

I love you I love you I love you.

The Notebook has nothing on us.

You can finally put those Captain America shirts away my darling because you are the real superhero.

I'll just be waiting to meet you in the universe.

Maybe Marvel or maybe DC.

I'll let you choose.

Xoxo,

Your Queen of Hearts.