The Death of Parents.

My therapist recently shared an article with me about just how traumatic it is to lose our parents.

Even as "adults".

I use quotes because even I don't quite think of myself as one, an adult that is.

Our parents deaths affect us both psychologically and physically.

It permanently alters children, no matter their age.

It is an event that changes our lives, forever.

With nothing to be the same again.

Our primary protectors gone.

And how they die, has a lot to do with how we react, and begin to process the loss.

The road of heartbreak we find ourselves traveling upon their passing.

Was it sudden? Was it long term?

Did we get to say goodbye?

Were we given time to process it before it happened?

Gender also plays a vital role in our reactions, with females showing more intense grief than males.

Perhaps because societally we still don't truly allow men to have emotions.

They must be stoic.

Compartmentalize.

Additionally, which parent passes, is also a contributing factor to our degree of grief.

Studies showing the loss of a father elicits the death of vision, purpose.

The passing of a mother extracting a much more raw emotional response.

Ones which seem to indicate a intensity that is not the same as the emotions shared for a father who passes.

Perhaps due to a mothers role as the primary caretaker, and nurturer.

The article also discussed how this loss can elbow its way into marriage, and if a spouse isn't supportive and sit with their loved one in their time of need, it will be followed by disastrous results.

The death of a parent and the process which ensues, can last indefinitely in ebbs and flows.

And without the proper support system in place, to help deal with this hurt, it leaves room for catastrophic consequences for the griever.

So the next time someone you know loses a parent, just sit with them and listen.

Be ready to give out that needed hug.

Be there.

Show up.

Be patient.

With the understanding that no matter how old we are, it hurts.

Having lost both, I have found the grief utterly devastating.

At times debilitating.

I am reminded that even though we all know it will happen, that doesn't mean we are prepared for the loss.

Especially, the aftermath.

Xoxo,

C.