So This Is Christmas...

The holidays are tough.

They remind you of what you have, and conversely, what you don't have.

While I am blessed to have three amazing cherubs; this is a season I am brought to remember (without) my parents.

Growing up with them was special.

Two people who currently aren't able to share in the Christmas spirit with me and my kids.

Dammit.

Christmas screams grandparents and spoiling.

Gifts.

And knowing I personally have no "parents" to give to my children?

Yeah, it sucks.

My parents are two people whom I miss dearly.

Even though I was convinced I despised them.

Please start playing it's a hard knock life...

It's weird to be my age and not have parents; and also horrible to recognize that I am an orphan.

I don't say that for pity points.

I say that because quite frankly; it's true.

I lost my Father 14 years ago.

I lost my Mom 4 years ago.

To stay in the spirit of my own Grandmother, whom I am blessed to still have; I am in my "mid 40's."

Lord knows we don't give up the ship, or our age.

I do come from a Navy family after all...

Anyways...

The Christmas eves I spent with the misfit musicians, while a fire was happily burning in the fireplace; I now recognize that those memories are my siblings.

Man the stories....

The laughter.

The holidays, bring me to see that while I wasn't blessed with brothersor sisters, I was gifted with amazing stories.

Wonderful memories.

And even though I didn't recognize it at the time; you were wonderful parents.

So thank you Mom and Dad.

May I be a quarter of what you lent to me in the company you kept.

And in the mean time, may the holidays always remind me that maybe everything happens for a reason, because yet once again the holidays have reinforced that YOU happened to me, and made my life a WONDERFUL one, even though I ditched ans complained every inch of the way.

That being said, let's reach around and say; the holidays are tough when you're alone.

So while I miss the shit out of you; thank you Mom and Dad for making my memories amazing ones, even if I didn't see it at the time.

I am a turd for not seeing it while it was happening.

But what's new?!

Truthfully, as I age, I am more appreciative of all that you both did to guide me, and I am currently on the worlds longest apology tour.

Miss You and Love You.

Always.

Merry Christmas.

Trust me.

But I know you are seeing it all, from above and hopefully, smiling.

Xoxo,

C.