Roots.

Since we are all in this pandemic together, we are all facing a new normal, and some of us more than ever.

The one thing I have found throughout the rough patches in my life, is who shows up.

I remember reading a quote, probably from Oprah, which I never forgot.

She said we are all trees. The leaves are the fair weather friends/family, and when the wind really starts to blow, they disappear. Then we have the branches, those are the friends/family that can handle a lot of tough weather, but when the storms get to be too much, those too disappear. Then we have the roots, those are the friends and or family that keep us grounded and are truly what helps hold us up when we are going through hell.

I have found out this past year who are my roots.

This is very humbling, as my roots are not all that I had anticipated. Some are, and others not at all what I would have expected.

What I have also learned is that that is ok, because I have grown new roots I wasn't even aware of.

This year, for a lot of us, has been an extremely lonely time. Adding the loss of my Mom on top of it, and I might as well live in Siberia. I was raised to be a strong girl, but this year more than ever I have asked for help, and a lot of it. And I have realized that is not a sign of weakness, but actually of even more strength, because I am acknowledging that I need it.

This year has found me more vulnerable than ever. I have never felt so isolated and low as I have this year. As someone who openly admits to wearing her heart on her sleeve, I might as well have had my chest cut wide open.

To most of the outside world, I probably seem ok, because that is what my carefully curated social media accounts would like for you to believe.

This year I have cried more tears than I can remember. This year has found in me a sadness I didn't know was possible.

But this year I found a lot of people who have dried those tears.

I found people who have helped to remind me to laugh and smile, and that there will be a light at the end of this very dark tunnel.

I found my roots.

I found my tribe, and to them, all of them, I am here because of you, so thank you from the bottom of my heart.