It feels weird to say that word. Orphan. But that is what I am. An orphan.
In the dictionary it defines an orphan as someone who has lost their parents. It also defines orphan as one who has lost protection or advantage.
That last definition hit me hard.
I have lost protection and advantage.
I have lost the protection of my parents, their defense, their advocacy.
I have lost the advantage of their love, knowledge, and advice.
No one is going to try and shield me from injury like they did.
No one will guide me with the purest of intentions that they did.
With my true best interests at heart.
No one will love me like they had.
That is fucking heavy.
Gut wrenching to think about.
But it's true.
I am an orphan.
Xoxo,
C.
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