Not Perfect.

Yeah, no, motherhood did not come with a map.

They should have taught that lesson in Lamaze class.

Fuck breathing.

Listening to a child cry ALL THE TIME?

OR A KID THAT WON'T EAT?

Motherhood can suck and is hard in more than ways than one.

I find myself counting to ten more than when I was a kid, and certainly more than my kids do.

Where are those classes when you are pregnant?

The lamaze class for when you are going to lose your shit because your kids are driving you nuts hold your breath classes?!?

Yeah where are those?!

I'll take 10% when you figure it out because it was my idea Mark Zuckerberg!

Anyways...

Please know; I want us to get to where we need to go with as little harm as possible.

But I am not stupid and know we can'tdo that without laughter; never without laughter.

I already know my kids will be in therapy, and blaming me for things I didn't even know I was capable of screwing up.

That's when Mark will pay the bill, or maybe Jeff, I do order enough off of Amazon that he could help out every once and again.

I am beginning to see that I possess more talents than I had even imagined.

I can screw up almost anything given the right opportunity!

Yay!

That being said, even I am pretty impressed that I could have the skills to screw up up more lives than I thought my own parents could, I think the garbage men despise me.

I don't even fold recycling responsibly.

Different blog post for that.

I do not claim to be the best captain of this ship, but trust me, I see the icebergs, and have no intention of letting that go unaddressed, even if I screw it up by hitting a few, the GPS fucked that one up, I'm sorry, I will blame Garmin for that one and my old CD case.

I was looking for some good music.

I will call that chapter of my kids lives, "Character Building."

But just know that I will go down with this ship.

Our ship.

But I will make sure as hell to get every one of you onto a lifeboat even if there's no room for me because I will be busy trying to figure out if it want 60s lithium or 80s, I upgraded to Sirius midstory.

So go ahead!

I'll hitch a ride with the others who got on a lifeboat after the Titanic and then died.

Yeah mull that over kids.

Irony is never lost on me, but neither are you.

Love you and laughing.

Always.

#truth.

That being said, understand it will never totally be like the Titanic, and more like the Dido song, White Flag.

When I say "Jack I will never let go, I am NOT lying."

Maybe an Eminem collab?

Anyways...

You are my everything's, and always will be.

I refuse to take minimal credit for your success.

I WILL TAKE IT ALL.

And to top that that, I will pick out an amazing outfit to see you succeed, for me ofcourse, because I know you would hate what I would pick for you.

Whilst screaming, yep those are MY KIDS.

The ones who don't always want to to acknowledge their biggest cheerleader, but that same mother whom is there; always in the wings, or in the car, waiting to cart you to your next best achievement, or social engagements.

But I hope you know damn well, I am here.

Waiting, watching.

So step it up; because I want you to know I am trying to do the very same TOO.

Lord knows I am, but I am not perfect, but in trying, there is fortitude.

So thank you for allowing me be in the grand stands while your greatness unfolds, and conversely, may you be patient while I may unravel from MY awesomeness from time to time, although it is super rare (duh).

Being an adult and being a teen can both be super hard times.

Listen, I don't know how to act my age, because I have never been this age before; yet I acknowledge that neither have you.

I just need for you to love me as much as I love you.

Pretty please?

Let's practice patience with each other.

It is going to be exhausting for us.

However, did I mention I possess a license and car and you don't?

May as well say I have an Amex Blackcar, or a Chevy white car....

I can't believe I am this witty, anyways...

We are all in the thick of it

Even if we look nothing like each other; and by that I mean I am old and have wrinkles...we are all treading to stay afloat.

So, thank you for appreciating the sarcastic mother you that were given.

But don't forget where your bread is getting buttered.

Meanwhile I am sure I will be busy burning it.

Love you all.

Mean it.

XoXo,

M.