No Need To Check In.

As I have begun this weird and crazy journey post both parent death, post marriage dissolution, I have been reminded of all those who have felt I am so strong, they no longer need to check in.

No longer need to worry about me.

Feel I must be strong enough to stand alone.

I assume, that they suppose, and that they have the confidence, I am ok.

Correction, they clearly must know I am.

Or else they may wonder about how I am.

So I have to take the position that..

They must be thinking, I am not only ok, I am conquering.

Owning.

Or perhaps, they are so scared I am drowning, they don't want to know.

Happier not knowing.

Pretending.

Looking away.

Either way, it's telling.

It is very informative about how people react during a crisis.

It is very telling how you are treated when you are wounded. And telling about those who treat you.

The way you are treated when in a panic, says more about others, than you.

And what I have realized, is that it is ok.

I can not be troubled by those who felt burdened by me.

I can't hinge myself or weigh myself by those who have never traveled my path, felt my pain, endured my journey.

What I can do, is embrace those who have stuck it out.

Had the compassion and empathy I needed.

Realized that I am less than perfect, but I am enough.

Understand that I am doing my best, in a circumstance that has dealt me the worst.

I will never be the same.

How could I?

My whole world has collapsed.

But yet I have been rebuilt.

Better.

Stronger.

Wiser.

Hopeful the world will see that as well.

In the mean time, I keep those who have stayed the course, close.

I keep those who have truly stuck it out, closer.

Xoxo,

C.