My Lovely Bones.

This past February after being overserved by the local inn keeper, ahem, myself. I tripped over our dog gate and thankfully the wall broke my fall. It also broke my nose, badly. I should have gotten stitches from a plastic surgeon, but instead dutifully turned to my local apothecary, Amazon, and ordered tons of French pharma products and put a ton of manuka honey where I had been cut up. It also left my septum deviated and in need of surgery, which I have yet to get. However, the point in my telling you this was that it worked!

I should also include if there is ever a more accident prone individual out there I have yet to meet him or her. I should also add that less than two months ago I slipped on some clothes on our basement stairs while holding a poopy rag, again the dog...and cracked a few ribs. I swear I can't make this or THIS YEAR UP.

I was in fourth grade the first time I broke something. I was playing red rover and tripped on someone's foot. I ended up breaking my wrist so badly I needed surgery to put the bones back in place. It was to be the first of many surgeries and broken bones for me.

Now back to my elbow. I was a teacher, teaching summer school and yet once again had been overserved, this time by a professional, and had woken up late. I was living in Hoboken at the time and my parents had graciously gotten me a spot in a local garage since parking spots were like gold. I was the proud owner of a silver Volkswagen Passat. If anyone has ever seen the Seinfeld episode where they get lost in a parking garage, you get it, parking garages are large and confusing. I am also the person that you will see wandering around ANY parking lot looking for my car.

So here I am, rushing and in a panic to find my car. I get off on the floor I thought I had parked but to no avail. However, upon viewing the level below saw my silver Passat. Instead of wasting precious time walking the snake like path to her, I would just climb down a level. Well fast forward, I missed a beam and fell exactly one story down onto my precious elbow. The kicker? When I came to, it wasn't my Passat but an imposter! So here I was covered in parking garage soot and blood totally mangled and looking for my car. Once I found it, I drove myself to the hospital where it was officially confirmed, I had fucked myself up, and would need surgery to put Humpty back together again.

Now that I sit here and think about it. I have broken my wrist, my arm, my thumb, toes, ribs, foot (liquid induced urge to do a leprechaun kick), nose, elbow, fractured my skull (5th grade dance incident) and I am not even INCLUDING things that needed stitches. Be right back I need to up my dose of vitamin D stat.

So on this particular morning and also being in a rush i got off on the floor I had remembered parking on, I will also preface this with my memory LOVES to play tricks on me, and rushed around frantically looking for my chariot. I looked down a lelve and saw her! However in my haste I thought why walk all the way around when I can climb down and save time. Well never in the history of me thinking I was taking a short would i ever take a short cut. Long story short I went to put my fgoot down on a beam that wasnt there and down a story I fell, right onto my elbow. The kicker? WHen I came to it was a silver passat alright but not mine. So here I am covered in parking garage dirt and blood and a very mangled elbow looking for my car. When I finally found ti I drove my self to the hopsital where it was confimred I had fucked mysself up an dwould need yet another surgery to put humpty back together again.