Losing It, Alone.

Having attended two too many funerals lately, I have realized how much I have attended alone; solo.

Two other deaths I have suffered through; with no closure.

No pomp and circumstance.

No support.

No recogniztion.

A pandemic for one and pandemonium for another.

Silence and solitary confinement for both.

Not the best circumstances for loss.

Lies, lonliness, betrayal and blame for one.

Abandonment and absence for another.

Not the best environment to process grief.

These past two trips to bury loved ones has made me realize how much I have suffered alone.

Trying to hold my world together while I was falling apart, solo.

Now some wierd part of me sees my strength in this new sorrow.

Resilience.

Damn was my mother resilient.

May I retain a small fraction of that as I move forward.

It's all I have.

I hope I can do her memory, and another, with the justice and strength they deserve.

Lord knows they earned it.

Xoxo,

C.