After the highest high I have had in awhile I got a phone call yesterday that knocked the wind out of my sails, and set my ship on fire.
It caused me to wail so hard my son came from the other side of the house. This time he held me. The rest of the day I sat catatonic on the couch staring out of the window. A pit in my stomach so big I couldn't move.
A sadness came over me that was paralyzing.
But as I do everyday I woke up this morning ready to face another day, with hope, with optimism.
I made myself remember to BREATHE.
As pathetic as I felt, I moved forward. As vulnerable as I am, I trudged ahead. As broken as I feel I remind myself I can fix one small piece at a time.
It's easy to let something stay broken. It's a hard choice on whether or not you want to fix it.
Fixing something requires tools and concentration. It requires a keen eye so you can glue the right pieces back together. It may require adjustment, and adapting. It's hard. It is a process.
I am trying to fix myself. Find the seams that line up and glue them back together, but it's tedious. It requires examination and reflection. It's not pretty and certainly not effortless.
Sometimes we may need to take a break in the middle of fixing something, because it seems too frustrating, or perhaps unfixable, so we throw our hands up and walk away. Maybe we revisit it later, or maybe we let it stay broken.
Today I continued the new weekly tradition of taking the kids and going on a hike, getting us all outside and remembering to breathe. To remind myself there must be a method to God's madness.
Life is going to continue to be filled with more highs and lows.
Just Breathe.
Xoxo,
C.
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