Captain.

With death comes grief.

With death comes responsibilities, and depending on your situation, a lot of responsibilities.

The passing of my Mother, has come with overwhelming tasks, jobs, roles and a new sense of true accountability.

Some days daunting.

I have been flooded and overcome by my newly acquired charges.

Alone.

Chartering very unknown waters.

With no crew.

In very rough and unforgiving seas.

With three passengers who are scared and frightened, three people whom I am trying not to scare even more.

All the while pretending we aren't in a storm, hell, we aren't even in a boat.

Convincing them and myself I know exactly what I am doing and of our final destination.

During a hurricane.

Without a map.

In an Ocean I do not know the name of.

But giving it my all.

Learning to not let the wind choose my direction, but learning I must adjust my sails.

Seeing that anyone can be at the helm when the weather is calm.

Concluding it is quite easy for others to weigh in on your journey, because they know exactly what they would do.

So while I did not chose the boat, or the weather, I know now what I am made of.

I know that I will be ok.

I have also come to realize that sometimes that "ok" won't look like what people want it to.

Knowing that I will eventually have a crew again, but in the meantime, life is showing me I can go alone, and live, thrive, and enjoy.

It is during the worst storms in our lives we see what we are capable of.

William Arthur Ward said, "The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."

Adjusting.

Xoxo,

C.