Truth is, I have burned enough bridges this past year to last a lifetime.
Truth is, I am in the weeds.
Circling the drain.
Drowning and screaming for help.
Doing my best, but knowing damn well I can do better. I have to do better.
Trying to explain away the inexcusable.
Defending the indefensible.
I want to apologize. I am sorry. I have taken advantage, and I know I have, because I am grabbing at anything I can. Looking for help anywhere I can get it. But I need to look inward. I need to start with myself.
I feel like I am Sherman marching towards Atlanta. Destroying everything in my path. Delighted by my destruction.
Relishing in the pain I can cause, not realizing I had relinquished my own power to do so.
This past year has siphoned my potential and replaced it with impotence. It ripped my heart out and turned me into the worst version of myself I could have ever imagined. Held a mirror straight up to my ugly.
It took me and made me so full of rage I wanted to set the universe on fire, and I almost succeeded.
It is time now to make amends. To right my wrongs and to begin an apology tour of epic proportions.
I am sorry I have hurt those who have reached out a hand. Who wanted to walk next to me, only to be pushed aside.
Somewhere in my quest to become the heroine, I made myself the victim. I lingered in my own sadness and let it take over.
I let myself become toxic with sorrow and rage.
I am not a victim. I am a product of an unfortunate circumstance, but not a fatality.
I can't make excuses anymore. I am getting in my own way on a path to greatness.
Cynthia, it is time to step aside.
Xoxo,
C.
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