Anger and Sadness.

The anger and sadness I have felt this past year and a half, could fill an ocean.

The confusion, a universe.

I have been left by people I had thought would never go, and yet been met by people, I could have never imagined.

Supported by people who have been there the whole time, and some whom I had never anticipated.

It is crazy how that village I had needed, had been unseen, unfelt, unrealized.

An unconventional family I had thought I had, only to be reimagined.

Reinvented.

Recreated.

In so many ways.

But yet here I am, not imagining, but living.

That's the funny thing about life, you can be dealt a hand, but it's all about how you play it.

And to be honest, how, sometimes it plays you.

Most likely, we will turn on a dime, and play it how we need to, dictated by the circumstances of the moment.

Yet our happiness remains in play, necessary.

A necessity.

This past year I remembered my happiness and how important it is.

I recollected my smile. I reencountered my laugh. I resumed my personality.

But there are always going to be those that know better, do better, assume better.

Yet my heart has longed for those who have left, to see it now.

See me currently.

Ingest me now.

To be reminded of the girl that they had lost. The laughter. The good times. The stories. The fun. The adventures.

But what I can not do, in these times of uncertainty, is look back.

I now look forward, only to hope that those who fell astray in their journey with me, will once again rejoin, with renewed hope, and the knowledge that their ideas were misjudged. That I was drowning and needed their rafts.

I needed their arms to help carry me.

I need them to find their forgiveness and embrace empathy, sympathy and compassion.

Understand the anger I possessed.

And why it resided where it did.

And why I own it.

Embrace it.

I need people to revisit their tender hearts.

Their empathy.

Their sympathy.

Their acceptance of understanding.

To embrace the fact that they will never understand.

But in the interim, I will soldier on, knowing I am enough, always will be, always was.

With the knowledge that during any battle you will lose soldiers. Support. Ground.

But what you will gain is truth.

And in the end hopefully, peace.

Armistice.

Xoxo,

C.