As much as I try to put on a good "face," I feel ugly.
Horrid. Disgusting. Hideous.
My tear stained face, a mess. A face unwanted. Unloved. Unneeded. Unnecessary.
My watery eyes ready to spill their bounty at any moment.
The crying.
There is something so humbling about sorrow with a stranger. Someone who looks right past you.
A person who sees your sadness and looks through you. Someone who can't be bothered. Who is annoyed at your very presence, at your depression, your misery, your loss.
I am pathetic.
Someone who doesn't want to embrace you, but run away.
Far away.
This person I thought who would help me stand in my darkest storm, so far away I couldn't even see him.
Gone.
I am repulsive. Disgusting. Gross.
I am not worthy. I am sad. I am pitiful.
Mom, I miss you.
Why is this happening?
Dad, I miss you.
Why is this happening?
Please watch over me.
Please.
Xoxo,
C.
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