Wish Me Luck.

I have had an empty dance card for a while now.

I don't know how people do "loss."

After so long, and yet so short of a tenure of lonely, I dont know how people can wake up and go on after 20, 30, 40, 50 plus years.

I am nearing on 2 without a 'partner.'

I can't imagine the lonely of that kind of loss that comes with a truly long relationship.

I am off this weekend to attend a wedding with an empty dance card, and by myself.

Hans.

Solo.

No plus one.

No date, and knowing virtually no one.

The more I think about this, it may be torture, and my Waterloo.

It's SCARY, but not unattainable, got restart somewhere right?

The only things I have done socially the past nearly 2 years has been attending funerals, and I honestly have done virtually nothing without the help of my wonderful kids.

I feel like all my feelings these past two years have either been ignored or denied completely, by both myself, and or anyone who cares to listen, and there aren't many, and I have learned that is ok.

I feel like my whole life I was neither wrapped in cotton or cashmere but surrounded by brillo pads.

Aka it was rough.

I don't come from huggers.

Probably explains why I don't trust anyone or anything.

That said...

Wish me luck, I can't have too big of an ask for my first solo adult outing alone.

But I have decided to say yes again.

Hopefully it proves worthwhile.

Fingers crossed.

I always make sure to pack tissues.

So I'll be safe, you know, just in case the water works don't arrive in the form of champagne.

Ask me about Argentina.

Nope that is another wedding and another day and many moons ago.

Wish me luck.

Xoxo,

C.