Thankful.

As Thanksgiving has once again come and gone I find myself lamentful, but supremely thankful.

And yet, I find myself reliving a day that will forever haunt me.

Newport was ours.

So spending this first trueThanksgiving without you has me remembering a lot.

Truth be told I have never forgotten.

I am always remembering.

Every. single. day.

That said...

It is jarring to relive that last day because this past Thanksgiving I saw and felt so clearly your love for me, and I for you as I walked along the shoreline.

I found myself missing our walks on the beach.

Missing my partner.

It made me relive that last day.

I saw and recounted the effort your body exerted to let me know you knew me, and that it would always be us.

Astonishing.

The movements that took everything in your power while I layed next to you, showed me everything you had shown me in life, even while dying.

You were there.

You showed me it was real, all of it, just as I showed you I would never let you go without me saying one last goodbye.

I will never let you go.

Ever.

It said to me that our story was meant to be told, but I had to be left behind to tell it for us.

To tell a story that makes no sense, but in all actuality makes more sense than anyone could believe.

As a couple?

We were perfectically impractical.

But that is what made us all the more perfect, incredible and unstoppable.

You were the coffee to my tea.

We took OUR world by storm, and we named it.

We folded into each other and rebuilt everything that had broken us.

We borrowed from each other and built us as a team bigger and better, together.

We built a life, a love, and an HONEST home.

You granted me your truth, and I gave you my love.

You allowed me access to your sincerity and I allotted you into my world of sarcasm.

Together we brought both humor and hubris to our table, and together we reformed humanity in order to let go of a history of hysteria.

Together we remembered humility and created a sense of endearment and intimacy.

In your death?

I remember desire.

In your memory I see your mantras.

In your life?

I see our smiles and our love.

And in my life I will live out our love, paying it forward in your enduring memory.

So this past Thanksgiving I found myself missing my favorite shelling partner, but please trust I was and am doing my best to make sure the world never will forget you.

I will forever continue to pen our story, for you, and for us, and for the world to believe in true love.

It is there.

Even if it doesnt come in the package we expect.

Kissy kissy kissy.

I love you I love you I love you.

Xoxo,

C.